Overall, this is a very good draft. Your abstract is interesting states the importance of your study and the findings within. However, I would spend some time editing for clearness and conciseness. I feel as though you could shorten this section as well as the introduction. Like your abstract, your introduction interested me throughout and stressed the importance of your study. You also did good with using many sources to strengthen the research done in this section. Although, this introduction is nearly two pages long... try to condense your thoughts here to make sure that you are getting your points across in the most effective way possible. Still, this is a good draft! Very well organized - good job.
So far your first draft is very good. I do have just a few corrections though that I think will make your paper better.
First, when doing in text citations make sure to put it right after the quote. Sometimes I was wondering what you were even citing since I did not see the quote around your in-text citation.
Second, for your results section be sure to add more words and explanations to help explain the graphs in detail. I think it'll help pull that section together if you have a few paragraphs talking about your results.
Third, for the abstract include more on why its important. when I was reading through it I never felt like I was told why this is very important. that might be something good to add more of the readers will understand better.
Lastly, for your subheadings on the paper I don't think you need colons for them and it would look better for the paper it the subheading was just the word.
Overall, this is a very good draft. Your abstract is interesting states the importance of your study and the findings within. However, I would spend some time editing for clearness and conciseness. I feel as though you could shorten this section as well as the introduction. Like your abstract, your introduction interested me throughout and stressed the importance of your study. You also did good with using many sources to strengthen the research done in this section. Although, this introduction is nearly two pages long... try to condense your thoughts here to make sure that you are getting your points across in the most effective way possible. Still, this is a good draft! Very well organized - good job.
ReplyDeleteSo far your first draft is very good. I do have just a few corrections though that I think will make your paper better.
ReplyDeleteFirst, when doing in text citations make sure to put it right after the quote. Sometimes I was wondering what you were even citing since I did not see the quote around your in-text citation.
Second, for your results section be sure to add more words and explanations to help explain the graphs in detail. I think it'll help pull that section together if you have a few paragraphs talking about your results.
Third, for the abstract include more on why its important. when I was reading through it I never felt like I was told why this is very important. that might be something good to add more of the readers will understand better.
Lastly, for your subheadings on the paper I don't think you need colons for them and it would look better for the paper it the subheading was just the word.